Gotta Do Something

So it's been a while since I've posted anything about my fitness goals. Honestly, I bottomed out and kind of did what I wanted for a while. While that was fun, it has certainly left me with a less than desirable physique (at least for me).

Last week my friend introduced me to this cute guy. I knew it was coming, knew this guy would be at the event I was attending, and yet I totally had a panic attack while getting ready; my backside has officially earned its own zip code and would barely fit in any fitted dress I own. If only I had a nun's habit that I could have worn... things would have fit a bit better.

I'm not sure if it was the realization that buying an entirely new wardrobe is less cost effective than my gym membership, the moment I asked my friend if this totally cute guy liked curvy girls, learning that he works out regularly, or the fact that as he and I discussed the gym, I felt like such a hypocrite for even discussing how I "use to look" (we all do that); but something made me feel as though I'd been slacking way too long.

So this morning, I sucked it up and took my fat deriere to the gym. I can't promise that I'm going to look amazing. I can't even promise that it's going to feel amazing. I'm currently sitting here in bed with my shoulders, biceps and triceps growing increasingly sore with every passing hour. My hair will likely look like a 2 year old did it tomorrow, and my legs are cramping up in fear at the thought of tomorrow's squats.

Basically, I'm old. I'm a working single mom. I love to eat and spend time with friends who don't really workout. But I'm picking up all these excuses and going with the what ifs.

-AJT, scared but moving

Chasing A Dream

There are so many things in life that we can dream of, chase, hope for or achieve.  Health, wealth, romance, that perfect job, perfect house or car... things that we think will make us happy.

I began my journey to a healthier/more fit me whenever the image I saw in the mirror began to disappoint me, and I was worried about the way my body would feel as I got older.  I mean let's not sugar coat it, we all are going to age.  I knew that unless I changed something about my lifestyle, I wouldn't have a great shot at being healthy once I hit 40 or 50 years of age.

My Dream

Jessica Curry, IFBB Figure Pro

As you probably know, I've been working my tail off to compete in a fitness competition.  My reason for wanting to do this is not to be better than anyone other than myself.  I'm not trying to get masculine and bulky; rather have that athletic look that women who compete in the Figure class have.  The woman pictured here is a coworker of mine, Jessica Curry.  She is also a fitness competitor and IFBB Pro in Women's Figure.  Her look here is what I would hope to have someday.

I remember the first time that I saw Jessica in the gym; she was running sprints on a treadmill and doing squats during her interval breaks.  I was amazed at her physique and really thought, "Wow.  That's awesome.... but I couldn't ever have that."

A few weeks later, a friend of mine showed up at the gym looking fantastic after having a meltdown from being on the wrong diet and disappearing for a while.  I asked her what she had been doing to look so different, and she told me about a gym called Fitt Life.  I signed up there to train with her trainer, Natasha, and was incredibly shocked to see Jessica walk in to the first Saturday class that I attended.  Then a bit later I ran across this video of Jessica and Natasha, and felt even more empowered.

It was at the moment I watched this video that I began to believe that I had the tools to push for the dream that I thought was unreachable.

The Journey

As I've stated, it hasn't been easy.  It seems like every single snag or road block that could possibly come up, has.  The first time I tried to get ready for a show, I was going through a divorce.  This second time, there have been diet issues, training issues, scheduling conflicts, financial limitations... pretty much you name it, and I've experienced it.  I've had my selected shows pushed back multiple times for various reasons, and it gets completely disheartening. I'm just being honest... it does.  That is difficult to admit.

Brother & sister, April 2014

It's interesting to see what happens when you get knocked down.  As someone who hates admitting defeat, I tend to find myself dealing with my emotions of failure within, and I don't share that with others.  This last setback had me all over the map, as I mentioned in a previous blog post.

In those depressing moments in the quiet of my mind, I found that I still had a little umpf.  It wasn't enough to move forward and keep pursuing my goal on my own, but it was enough to reach out to those closest to me for a hand.

I've been blessed to have a wonderful family, and I reached out to my brother.  As a former bodybuilding competitor, he is familiar with the ins and outs, the ups and downs, and difficulties of going for a fitness competition.  Gabe pointed out that if I keep pursuing my goals, I will know when my body is ready for a competition, and that's the moment I should choose a show.

He's right.  My body is exhausted.  I'm just tired... this whole sport is so new to me.  I took a couple of weeks off and re-evaluated the things in my life; the importance of every responsibility that I currently have and those that are being added to my plate.

After making some changes to my thought processes, I found a huge door in front of me with endless possibilities.  I have a breathtakingly wonderful daughter, a great job, wonderful friends and in regards to fitness, this is what I currently look like, even after a couple weeks off...

Progress photo after taking a couple of weeks off

Progress photo

Chase That Dream

So really, what have I lost in terms of reaching for my dream?  Nothing... not a thing.

Instead, it has been a learning and growing experience that only gives me a better idea of how to proceed, a broader base of knowledge and provides me the chance to have the best foot forward mindset when I actually do choose that show and step on stage.

So I'm gonna chase that dream.  Life is full of ups and downs... but winning isn't about being better than someone else; winning is about beating your own mindset every day to become a better you.  What is it that you're after?  What kind of life are you longing for, but have felt unable to achieve it?  The only thing holding you back is you.  Your dream is attainable... just as mine is.

It's time to start chasing that dream.

Meal Prep: Tilapia

One of the most common things I'm asked about is meal prep.  Preparing your meals in advance is the best way to avoid binge eating, cheating on your diet and to cut your food costs down.  If you're eating small healthy meals every 2-3 hours throughout the day, your body's metabolism will increase and it will run more efficiently, therefore making you feel and look better.

I'm sure there will be other blogs in the future about other types of prep with recipes and such, but for this one, I'm going to go through the prep that I just finished for this week.  While you don't have to eat strictly fish, this post is just how I did the meal prep for my tilapia meals.

The Details

First, I bought the big bags of frozen tilapia fillets; the kind in individual packages.  I also purchased the simplest rice and frozen green beans (no additives).  Then I filled the sink with the individually bagged fish, added hot water, and let them thaw (it doesn't take long at all).

Thaw the frozen tilapia

As you'll also notice in the photos, I took a large pan and wrapped it in foil.  Then, while the fish was thawing, I sprayed the pan with some no-calorie butter flavored spray.

Spray the pan with no-calorie butter flavored spray

Then I sprinkle the pan with my choice of seasoning for that batch (this happened to be the Mrs. Dash, but you can use whatever you prefer).

Sprinkle the pan with seasoning

Then I remove the thawed tilapia fillets from their individual packages, and lay them on the pan.  Then sprinkle some seasoning on top of them.  You can lightly spray the top with more of the no-calorie flavored spray if you'd like as well.

Sprinkle more seasoning on top of the tilapia

Then I popped the fish in the oven and baked at 350* until done (usually about 20 minutes).  Also, try covering them with more foil to keep them from being dry-tasting.

Then, while the fish was cooking in the oven, I cooked my rice and veggies on the stove top.  (Multi-tasking and finding quick ways to cook things is the only way to make it through meal prep.)

Cooking veggies and rice on the stove top while tilapia bakes

After the rice and veggies were ready, I set out my VersaTainers that I purchased here, and I began measuring out my allotted portions for each meal.

Set out VersaTainers

Dispensing individually measured portions into each meal

Then when the fish was fully cooked, I brought out the scale and weighed each portion of fish into each meal.

Beginning to weigh out the tilapia... note, the amount shown here is only for demonstration purposes. I eat more!

Then after every meal was prepared, I put the lids on them, sorted them, and put one full day's set in the refrigerator for the following day, and the rest in the freezer.

Stored meals in the freezer

What I usually do is bring one day's meals out of the freezer the day prior to eating them, and let them thaw in the refrigerator.  Then I pack them in my bag with waters and ice/gel packs in the morning, and take them to work with me.

Packing meals and water for the day

Then when I am ready to eat my meals, I microwave them for about 1:30-2:00 minutes, and eat.

Also, if you ever don't have the time to do your own prep, check out Food From Above on their Facebook page here.  Casey is fantastic and can prepare your meals specific to your needs with excellent service.

I hope this helps you guys who have been asking about my meal prep process.  I will post more in the future with other tips and types of food as well...enjoy!

Strength in Moments of Defeat

There have been many setbacks since beginning this journey to a fitness competition.  Some greater than others, but they've definitely left me feeling like this is one big game of mental dodge ball.  From finding the right training scenario to the right diet, affording that custom competition suit and hitting those fasted morning cardio sessions as prescribed, it's all been a challenge.  Something always comes up; it just does.

As a natural competitor, I've been faced with even more challenges. When you are on stage, your body needs to be nearly perfect; extremely low body fat, good muscle symmetry, and every pose has to be spot-on. You would think this is as simple as working out and eating right, but it isn't. Doing it right involves a great trainer, a posing coach, a dietitian who knows how to get your body down to roughly 3-6% body fat, the perfect custom suit, and many other little tips and tricks that you learn along the way.

The Issues Are Numerous

As you've seen in my earlier posts, issues with my subscapularis have caused my left lat to appear lazy during certain poses. The video below is one that my brother took while I was working out, to show me how my symmetry is off during training and how I am over-compensating with other muscles (notice how the left shoulder appears higher).

There have also been expense obstacles. Everything just adds up fast.  All of that combined with the fact that I've been dieting and training since January of this year to compete in a show, and have had difficulties along the way that had made it impossible to compete in the shows I'd picked; it's all been a very intense roller coaster.

The Latest Obstacle

This past week was actually a difficult week for me mentally, because the dietitian that I have been instructed to see cannot work with me until July.  

When I first heard this, I felt numb.  Then when the realization of what this meant set in, I cried.  Yep, sure did.  Perhaps it's the estrogen.  Perhaps it's the fact that I've been busting my tail for the last 5 months and turning down outings with friends in order to stay on my diet.  Or perhaps it was that this meant I wasn't going to actually be able to hit that goal I had set for myself.  Regardless, I was an emotional wreck.  

At my trainer's instructions, I took the rest of the week off and tried to sort things out in my head.  At this point, it’s a mind game.  I’m obviously not a quitter, but certainly felt defeat.  The voices of those who said I couldn't or shouldn't do it were audible again... and I’m certain that my posture changed from confidence to one with slumped shoulders and weariness.  It was in those moments that I allowed my obstacles to become bigger than my goal... and I almost lost.

But Wait...

But let’s take a step back for a minute.  When I see the progress photos of the girl I was when I began in January of this year, to the shape I have now, have I really lost anything by experiencing this setback?  No.  Sure, my goals will have to change and I won't be competing when I wanted to but in reality, I've come so incredibly far in the last several months and my physique has changed drastically... so I've not lost anything.  Rather I've gained more time to become a better package on stage when I do decide to pick that show.

So this weekend, I decided to thank God for this obstacle and to utilize it as part of the foundation for my success rather than the reason that I gave up.

I. Will. Not. Give. Up.  

My brother played this incredible video for us this holiday weekend and it moved me so much that I wanted to share it with you here.  If you've ever felt like giving up on your goals, giving up on your dreams... watch this.  And don't give up... pull from those moments of weakness and failure with tenacity, and you'll find strength that you never thought you had.

I Give Up Daily

Let's just be real here.  I mean hey, that is the reason the majority of you have messaged me about enjoying this blog, right?  No reason to sugar coat anything.  I'm human.  Just like you.  Yep.

I tell stupid jokes and laugh my tail off because it sounds funny when I repeat them.  I cry at weddings and during sappy movies.  Watching Jennifer Garner in Alias made me want to see if the Central Intelligence Agency was looking for applicants like me. 

I also set goals that I'm not sure if I can reach.  And when I don't reach them in my desired time frame, I feel defeated.  When I have cheated on my contest prep diet, I've felt like I just lost and it was time to give up.  I mean, I just cheated, so why not just go right back to what I was doing before?

There's this woman whose career I've followed as an athlete, a competitor, and trainer.  She placed first this year in the Women's Physique category at the Phil Heath Classic in Houston.  Erin Elliott is inspirational to me because I've seen her go through things that any woman/mother might go through, and she stayed the course.  One post she made a month or so ago was incredibly moving to me and helped push me forward.  In the post, she admitted to having a terrible cheat meal and was only 50-something days until her next show.  She felt guilty for having the meal, but decided afterward to keep moving forward. 

It sounds simple enough.  We've all been told we can pick ourselves up after a fall and keep pressing toward our goals.  But in the quiet solitude of our minds we often see our failures as detrimental to our success, and we give up.

That is the moment we lose.

It's not about the mistake you just made; the bad meal, bad drink or carb binge you just had.  Winning is a game of the mind. 

So you just lost that one meal.  Is it ideal?  No.  But is it worth quitting over?  You decide.

Today, and literally every day since I decided to do this, I've had to wake up and overcome me.  The doubts and fears in my mind and the fat on my hips telling me I won't make it.  I definitely have legitimate problem areas.  But if I decide not to keep pushing for my goal, then that's the moment I lose.

The battle isn't between me and some other chick; it's between me and my fearful, doubting mind.   I'm gonna overcome that mind... and doing just that feels like I'm winning each day.

So to all of you out there who have the issue with yo-yo dieting or not being able to lose weight because you cheat and then give up: remember that you've not lost until the moment you quit trying.


Thanks to my sweet friend, Jo, for sending me this video!!

Strong Women

Last night I didn't get to bed until after 11:00 pm.  That's not normal for me and as a mom to a school-aged child, that just cuts into my sleep time, leaving me tired the next day.

So this morning, I woke up late with exhaustion and peeked through my squinty eyes in search of my sneakers.  A million thoughts crossed my mind, all of them reasons not to go do my fasted morning cardio.  After all, I wasn't going to be able to get in the amount of time that my trainer has instructed me to get each morning, so why bother?

Then briefly, and rapidly, I remembered the me I use to be.

You see, I use to wear the most unflattering clothes, baseball hats and baggy shirts because I didn't like my shape.  My body wasn't what society blasts all over social media, printed ads nor billboards.  My hips had carried a child through full-term pregnancy and I felt as old and unattractive as you can imagine.

Somewhere in my head though, I still had this determination to be better.  I didn't care if my body never looked like that of a Victoria's Secret model, and I still don't.  All I wanted was to be comfortable with who I was; to be a better me for my daughter.

So about 4 years ago, I began my very slow and uneducated journey to the person I am today.

Am I done? Never.
Am I content? Yes.
Am I happy with my shape and health? Yes.
Can I be better? Always.

So this morning, I ignored all of those excuses of why I should keep my tail in bed, and I made the trek to the elliptical where I spent the next 26 minutes sweating.  I dreaded it, yes.  But I conquered my own lazy will.  Regardless of if that helped my fat loss or not, I made myself get up and do what I didn't want to do.  And that felt pretty much like a great accomplishment.

We all have been given the same 24 hours every day.  Each of us spends our time as we choose.  The path I'm on isn't for everybody.  But regardless of what you do, don't let that voice in your head tell you that you can't.  Because I'm here telling you that you can.  Go after your dreams... you won't regret it.

Here's to all of the beautiful women out there, regardless of your shape!  May you have a wonderful day and  a blessed weekend!

How Do I Prep Meals?

The most common questions I get are about meal prep.  How do you meal prep for the week?  How long does it take?  How expensive is it?  How do you store the food?  How long do you reheat it for?  Etc.

Chicken, brown rice and green beans

First, let's start with the fact that in today's society, most of us are always on the go.  Work, family, friends, church, school, gym, etc.  It all somehow gets crammed into little 24-hour days.  When you are constantly moving from one place to the next, oftentimes we need to eat on the go.  And usually, this means making a pit stop at the closest fast food joint.  You may spend $7-9 for that one meal, and your body is tired and exhausted after eating it.  Why?  Because you've just consumed a ton of grease, bad fats, sugars and other carbs, with usually a very little protein to carbs and fats ratio.  You feel full, but your body literally slows down as it tries to break down all that crud.

Meal Prep Basics

The cost, if you do it yourself, is much less than that combo mentioned previously.  I currently spend about $75/week for my groceries at HEB, and that usually gives me about 40-45 meals (6 meals a day).  Do the math and that comes out to roughly $2/meal (your cost may be different, depending on your food choices and amounts).  In order to cut costs, I purchase the big bags of frozen tilapia, frozen boneless, skinless chicken tenders, the bigger packages of extra lean ground beef, regular frozen veggies (I'm not into the organic thing), and either the Success brand of boil in bag rice or the HEB brand of steamable frozen rice (depending on time).

The time it takes is the big kicker.  As you begin to experience weekly meal prep, you eventually find your groove on what foods and what methods work best for you.  I've got it down to taking about 3-4 hours to cook and measure and store one week's worth of meals.  But when I first began, it would take me all day.  The steamable frozen veggies and rice help to cut time down a lot, because they can be prepping in the microwave while the chicken and fish are being cooked in the oven or on the stove top.

Food storage is fairly simple.  You will need to clear out a significant space in your freezer.  Cooked meals usually last 2 (maybe 3) days in a refrigerator, and up to 6 weeks in a freezer.  I usually put all but one day's worth of meals in the freezer, and as I'm packing the meals in the morning for that day in my bag, I pull out the next day's meals from the freezer and put them in the refrigerator.

The Groove

It takes some time to find that groove that works best for you on meal prep.  And if you tend to make everything more difficult than it originally is, like me, then it might even give you a few gray hairs along the way.

I usually start microwaving my green steamable veggies while I have the rice going on the stove.  Then on another burner, I'll take the largest nonstick pan that I have and start cooking tilapia, while the chicken tenders are baking in the over.  I don't measure things out first, I just start cooking and making piles (or bowls) of all the food.  Once it gets to be a lot, I pull out the Versatainers that I purchased here, and I measure out all the veggies for each container, all the carbs, and then weigh the meat.  Then I store them and keep cooking until all of the food is cooked.

I Don't Have the Time

While prepping your own meals for the week is smart, affordable and healthy, it's also not realistic for every lifestyle.  So what if you don't have the time to prepare your meals for the week?  What then?  There are options.  You can go to MyFitFoods (if you're lucky enough to have one nearby) and spend about $8-12/meal.  Or in you're in the Houston area, you can contact Food From Above at 832-657-4345 and they will do everything for you (you can either choose from their menu or inquire about your own, if you have strict dietary goals or requirements).

Regardless, meal prep is the least expensive and most healthy way to stay with your diet.  When eating out, it's difficult to know ahead of time what all is going into your meal (grease, extra cheese, unnecessary fats, etc).  While you don't need to be a hermit and only eat prepped meals 24/7 (you should allow yourself occasional cheat meals as a reward), meal prepping is the best way to stay on diet and avoid bad last-minute food choices made out of hunger.