Strength in Moments of Defeat

There have been many setbacks since beginning this journey to a fitness competition.  Some greater than others, but they've definitely left me feeling like this is one big game of mental dodge ball.  From finding the right training scenario to the right diet, affording that custom competition suit and hitting those fasted morning cardio sessions as prescribed, it's all been a challenge.  Something always comes up; it just does.

As a natural competitor, I've been faced with even more challenges. When you are on stage, your body needs to be nearly perfect; extremely low body fat, good muscle symmetry, and every pose has to be spot-on. You would think this is as simple as working out and eating right, but it isn't. Doing it right involves a great trainer, a posing coach, a dietitian who knows how to get your body down to roughly 3-6% body fat, the perfect custom suit, and many other little tips and tricks that you learn along the way.

The Issues Are Numerous

As you've seen in my earlier posts, issues with my subscapularis have caused my left lat to appear lazy during certain poses. The video below is one that my brother took while I was working out, to show me how my symmetry is off during training and how I am over-compensating with other muscles (notice how the left shoulder appears higher).

There have also been expense obstacles. Everything just adds up fast.  All of that combined with the fact that I've been dieting and training since January of this year to compete in a show, and have had difficulties along the way that had made it impossible to compete in the shows I'd picked; it's all been a very intense roller coaster.

The Latest Obstacle

This past week was actually a difficult week for me mentally, because the dietitian that I have been instructed to see cannot work with me until July.  

When I first heard this, I felt numb.  Then when the realization of what this meant set in, I cried.  Yep, sure did.  Perhaps it's the estrogen.  Perhaps it's the fact that I've been busting my tail for the last 5 months and turning down outings with friends in order to stay on my diet.  Or perhaps it was that this meant I wasn't going to actually be able to hit that goal I had set for myself.  Regardless, I was an emotional wreck.  

At my trainer's instructions, I took the rest of the week off and tried to sort things out in my head.  At this point, it’s a mind game.  I’m obviously not a quitter, but certainly felt defeat.  The voices of those who said I couldn't or shouldn't do it were audible again... and I’m certain that my posture changed from confidence to one with slumped shoulders and weariness.  It was in those moments that I allowed my obstacles to become bigger than my goal... and I almost lost.

But Wait...

But let’s take a step back for a minute.  When I see the progress photos of the girl I was when I began in January of this year, to the shape I have now, have I really lost anything by experiencing this setback?  No.  Sure, my goals will have to change and I won't be competing when I wanted to but in reality, I've come so incredibly far in the last several months and my physique has changed drastically... so I've not lost anything.  Rather I've gained more time to become a better package on stage when I do decide to pick that show.

So this weekend, I decided to thank God for this obstacle and to utilize it as part of the foundation for my success rather than the reason that I gave up.

I. Will. Not. Give. Up.  

My brother played this incredible video for us this holiday weekend and it moved me so much that I wanted to share it with you here.  If you've ever felt like giving up on your goals, giving up on your dreams... watch this.  And don't give up... pull from those moments of weakness and failure with tenacity, and you'll find strength that you never thought you had.